Choosing an Attitude of Success

Christmas day has come and gone yet Christmas will live in your heart for as long as you choose to let it. Living an abundant life means giving and receiving. How you perceive what you give, and how you perceive what you receive, is directly determined by your attitude.

The attitude you choose will determine what you experience!

With 2 more days until the new year begins, this is the time when most of us begin to reflect on our dreams and desires for the new year. Make a new resolution for yourself this year to maintain your certainty in achieving your goals. Hold on to that certainty through March, April and May. Hold on to it through the summer. Experience how good it is to have been true to your own desires on December 31st, 2009. Choose an attitude that will create the conditions for your success.

Here is my formula for creating and living the life you want; Set meaningful goals in all areas of your life and pursue them with consistent, flexible action.

To your success,
-Lane

Spiritually Empowered

Celebrate your spirituality! However you do so, this is the season. I celebrate Christmas and connect my spirituality with the teachings of Jesus. How do you celebrate this time of year?

I have always found it interesting that no matter what spiritual or religious doctrine one follows, this is the time of year that everyone makes that connection.

In whatever way you connect to your spirituality, your source, your God; make certain to fully do so this season.

What does that do with empowerment? Well, you see, you are a mental, emotional and spiritual being. Your spiritual nature is 1/3rd of who you are.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas,

-Lane

Time for me

I find myself being very pressed with time recently! Christmas preparation, work, family, parties and other event scheduling... and the band plays on.

I am not complaining. Not one bit.

I am writing this article because I know I need to remind myself to take some time for me. Well, I figure if I need to remind myself, then perhaps you might need reminding too. ;-)

Especially during certain times of the year, like the winter celebrations and holidays, most of us just simply get swamped. What a blessing!

The most common advice I dole out to my clients is to meditate. Find a little time for you. Put it on your calendar even if for only 5 minutes each day. Just go into a quiet place, close your eyes and go inside your own mind. Put your focus on the feeling of the air going into and out of your nose. Breath normally and just focus on your breathing only.

I promise that you will be amazed at how much more peaceful your world becomes.

If your thinking, "I can't get five minutes to myself in my house." Go to the restroom.

In peace,
-Lane

Control is a Good Thing

Every year I come to the same conclusion.  I love turkey.  How come I usually only eat it only once a year?  And it's not just the eating of turkey, it is the whole, roasting and cranberries and dressing and such.   I find it interesting that in the month of December, we, as a global society, turn our attention to giving and I think we do a very good at being as giving as our budgets allow.  There are campaigns at churches to collect coats, toys and food for distribution to anyone who wants it.  The giving spirit falls upon us as we select an "angel" from a tree and go shop for that particular child or adult who we will probably never meet.   Perhaps we bought into this idea that we must be giving only in a certain month???  I don't think so.  I think that we have gotten so caught up in bring the money in so we have enough to give.   Empowerment is being in control of the flow of your energy.  I define energy in this case as time, money, attitudes and things like that.  You must move energy in order for work to be done.  For example, you must move money into and out of your pocket in order to pay for energy in the form of gasoline which must move through your car to produce the energy of motion and so on.   The flow must move.  There must be a continuous cycle of receiving and giving.  I'd be willing to make the bold assumption that you buy gas for your car as needed, not just once a year.   Make a decision for 2009 to consciously receive and give each month, week and day.  Be in control of the flow of your energy.   Pass the pumpkin pie, -Lane

Tis the Season

It has begun!  The holiday season is now upon us.  Tis the season for giving… and receiving.

If I had to guess, I’d bet that you are the kind of person who is good at giving.  You like to give.  Giving feels good and you enjoy seeing others having nice things or experiencing fun things in their life.

Now, I wonder, are you a good receiver too?  In the past, I was not a good receiver.  If someone gave me something (an actual thing or even their wonderful energy) I would feel not good inside.  I would feel embarrassed, obligated or some other not very good emotion.  Ultimately, I now know, I didn’t feel worthy of receiving what good came my way.

I had to learn how to be a receiver.  I learned you cannot give what you do not possess.  You cannot give from an empty cup.  Wow!  What an amazing and important lesson that was for me.

I have a simple formula for being a good receiver.  Just say, “Thank you.”

Open the Door to Receiving

This Thursday the USA will be celebrating Thanksgiving and many other countries will also enjoy some similar form of enjoying company and offering thanks for all we have.

Giving thanks is a very powerful element in the empowerment process. When you give thanks, you open the door to receiving the good that you are asking for. This includes past, present and future.

Offering thanks is always done in the present. When you give thanks for what you have received, it creates a feeling of well-being inside. It let’s our unconscious mind know that we want more of that and it sets out a chain of events to bring more and more of it into your life.

You may have been taught that you should give thanks for what you are receiving now or about to receive. Right! The premise is that if everything already exists in the now, and you are wanting to bring it into your now, then by offering gratitude for having it aligns you with your desire and you become a vibrational match. Very powerful!

Many people I have worked with have been BEing and DOing what it takes to achieve what they are asking for but that have not opened the door to receiving. Gratefulness and offering your thanks allows that door to open.

What do you want to experience?

Empowerment is taking responsibility for creating your life the way you want it. Books and movies like The Secret, What the Bleep, and even the classic Think and Grow Rich; teach the immutable Law of Attraction. They describe that in order for you to have something in your life you must become a vibrational match in order for it to be in your experience of life.

I'd like to offer you another way of thinking about how to make the Law of Attraction work for you.

Most of us attempt to attract things into our life. "I want a motorcycle", I might say, but I end up with an old convertible that needs a new top and body work. But I wanted a motorcycle. Why did I end up with something else?

There is no vibrational response to this thing called a motorcycle. It is an object, a thing. The vibration is not created from the thing, rather it is the experience you are seeking. The experience I am seeking might be to feel the wind in my hair as I drive back roads and just enjoying the outdoors with friends. Consciously, I think, "A motorcycle would be the best way to do that." Unconsciously however, the creation machine in my mind is busy working out how to give me the experience I desire and that may be by means of a convertible.

When writing your goals be sure to include specifics about what you want in the things you are asking for and, be certain that you are putting it in context of what you are asking to experience.

Pay Attention to Yourself

One of the key elements to empowerment is to realize that every contact you make, every conversation you have, there is a message for you. When you begin to take each encounter as a learning experience for yourself, even those that you would deem unpleasant, you can find the good through learning.

Sometimes I find that I meet people that just rub me the wrong way. If I get caught up in how irritated I am then I get more irritated. When I recognize this happening and I make a choice to focus on WHY I am irritated, the whole perspective of the event changes. I can take a self reflective approach to the encounter and learn from it. That will help me feel good very quickly.

It is easy to be around people who we like. If you encounter someone you don’t like, ask yourself “Why?” There is a message in there for you.

Remember that what you focus on you will create more of in your life so it makes sense to focus on what you want doesn’t it?

Nurture Your Dreams

A little over two years ago, my wife and I moved into our home. It was, at the time, two years old and had 4 trees. In the back was a Bradford Pear and two Silver Leaf Maple trees. In the front was another Bradford Pear.

Bradford Pears are beautiful however they tend to grow very quickly and thus are not strong in the long run. I have seen large trunks break off in moderate winds.

One of the Maple trees was planted too deep and just struggled to survive. It would be the last to get its few leaves and the first to drop them. Because I favored the Maple trees, I decided to dig up and give away the Bradford Pears and to relocate the ailing Maple to the front yard.

Over two years, I can look back at just how much those trees have grown and just how well they are doing now. Slow consistent progress and they are much healthier!

Even once established, they still need some care. It occurred to me that while I might not have seen the growth day to day, if I do not care for them, if I do not give some of my energy to creating prosperity, they will not grow. If I did not provide water it wouldn't take long to see a change.

Providing that environment for growth is much like setting your intentions for your goals. Just a little each day will keep them growing. Remember, "Set meaningful goals in all areas of your life and pursue them with consistent flexible action."

BE Amazing!
-Lane

Act As If

You may have heard that if you want to create something in your life you should act as if you already have it.  If you desire more money, act as if you have more money and it will come.  If you want a loving relationship, act as if you have a loving relationship and it will come.  If you want a healthy body, act as if you have a healthy body and it will come.

 

This is one of the functions of the Law of Attraction and how you set the Law of Attraction in motion.

 

When I first learned this idea about 'act as if', I didn't really understand it.  I thought I should act as if I had money, so I would spend it.  I thought I should act as if I could run a marathon and then I over extended myself.  Something about 'acting as if' in my outer world seems to prevent me from achieving what I wanted!  Then, I finally got it.  It is about 'acting as if' in my inner world, in my mind, that was the key to success.

 

When you begin to think the feelings of having more money, better relationships or greater health, your unconscious mind begins to adjust your perceptions so you can recognize what it takes to get what you want to have.  It will adjust your values so you are doing what it takes.

 

The feeling of having a new car is not having the new car itself yet it is the feeling that sets up the condition by which you save the money for the car, find the car, negotiate your best deal and finally buy the car.  That is the process of having... and it all began with a feeling you got in touch with by acting as if you had it.

 

Ask yourself, "If I am a new car owner, how do I feel?  If I am healthy, how do I feel?"  Then, act as if.

 

BE Amazing,

-Lane

Awareness

Last year our nation's most celebrated concert violinist participated in curious analysis that can be parlayed into a brief look of how people listen. Joshua Bell, who began playing violin at the age of 4 and now plays over 300 days a year around the world, stepped into subway station in New York City.

Without tux and wearing regular street clothes, he began to play an impromptu concert on his violin made in 1713 by Antonio Stradivari. One of the master's finest, Joshua Bell paid a reported 3.5 million for the violin.

The story goes on to say that over 45 minutes the 1000+ passersby flipped $32.17 in change into his open case. Only one person recognized the masterful music and stopped to listen.

We live in an amazing world. Miracles are happinging all the time. The sun is brighter, the sky clearer, the grass is greener than you think it is.

How about you? In any context, in any situation, you are always more amazing, more effective, more powerful, more beautiful, more loving – than you think you are.

Today's Winning Edge, is about listening. Far beyond hearing, really listen - and become aware.

BE Amazing,
-Lane

Letting Go

I have been talking to a lot of people the past week or two about various "problems" being experienced right now.  I myself have have been experiencing some interesting limitations.

 

The common theme that is coming up is an unwillingness to let go.  "Where does this unwillingness come from?", I have been asking.  The answer is clear.  The ego is responsible.  The ego is that part of you that shouts out, "Pay attention to me!  I am really who you are!  You need me!", anytime you are getting closer to your true nature, which is love.

 

No one would ever feel unworthy or fearful if they were connected to their true nature, to spirit. Once you are fully being who you are, you are fully empowered. There is no fear because fear is based in the ego and the ego cannot exist when spirit is present. You are acting out of your true nature which is love.

This weekend, I made a choice to acknowledge the lessons my ego was trying to teach me.  I am embracing those lessons and I let go of the fear, uncertainty, and doubt about writing my book and getting some training rooms filled up.

 

What is it you want to let go of this week?  Wouldn't today be a great day to decide to let it go now?  Right!

 

Silver, who is a teacher, student and friend of mine taught me a new way to let it go.  You have to give it away.  Give it to God, the universe - whatever.  If you just release it, it could have simpy moved from one hand to the other.

 

First, identify it.  What is this feeling or emotion that you want to give away.  

 

Second, claim it.  You cannot give away what you do not have.  

 

Third, give it away.  Get your learnings first then declare it "given away" and choose to act as if.

BE Amazing,

-Lane

Active Listening

Active listening is the idea of being fully present while listening to another person, really taking in what they have to say.  Many people will begin spinning their web of rebuttals ready to jump in and take control of the conversation at first breath.

Most of the time we hear what the other person is saying but we are not really listening.  To actively listen means to give your full attention to what the speaker is saying so you fully understand what the intent of the communication is.

When listening to a speaker, if you are formulating what your response is going to be, you are not practicing active listening.

With active listening, you can begin to take your understanding of others to a much deeper level.  We all think in pictures, and the words we choose are our best representation of that picture in our mind.  Well, if a picture is worth a thousand words, then it is not to far of a stretch to imagine that whenever a person is speaking they cannot express all those words because it would take a very long time! 

Begin to pay attention to how a person is thinking by actively listening to their words and begin to understand the underlying picture in their mind.

Rather than asking yourself, "What am I going to say?", ask yourself, "What are they saying?"

BE Amazing,

-Lane

Reacting v Responding

Certain behavioral patterns will lead to empowerment and enhance communication and some do not.

Think for a moment about how you interact with others in your day to day communications or, more especially, when you are under stress.  Are you reacting or responding to the other person?

"Re-acting" acting from the past and is inward focused.  When you react, you bring all your filters (emotions, limiting beliefs, patterns) and you project them onto the other person and the conversation.  Reacting is dis-empowering because it has no action, it only expresses your filters (limitations).

Responding is outward focused and is a position that allows you to engage more completely in a conversation.  When you respond, you suspend your old filters and judgments while actively listening.  This creates a level of unprecedented empowerment because you are now in a position to create new options, new opinions, and new learnings.  Suspending your judgment allows you to maintain discernment and create a win-win situation.

Reacting - If you keep doing what you have been doing, you will keep getting what you have been getting.

Responding - Acting in the now.

BE Amazing,

-Lane

Releasing Attachment - Redux

About a month ago I wrote;

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to get a journal or pad of paper and each morning write the following line;

"Today I intend..."

And make a list of 3 to 5 things that you intend to happen just for today.  Maybe it is specific, "I intend to complete one more paragraph in my book."  Maybe it is somewhat less specific, "I intend to be open and receptive to the good in my life."  As you right that intention, imagine what the successful outcome of your intention would look like.  Imagine how you will feel when it happens.

Commit to this brief exercise for one month.  Pay attention to how the universe conspires in your favor with a little intention.

Well?  How did it go?  Write me an email and let me know what you created in your life this past month with a little intention.

Now, in order to take that little exercise into empowerment, you must take action.  What ever was presented to you is only the beginning.  It is your seedling of creation to take care of now.  Breath life into it.  Nurture it.  Let it grow.  Each day, put a little more energy into what you want by setting the next intention and committing to action.  So often we forget to remember that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.  Take that step now.  Do what you dare.  What would you do if you knew that certain success was going to be the result? 

Me?  Well, I set the intention to get better at networking and extending my marketing.  I have managed to attract 3 people in the last month who "get" what I do and they have offered guidance and assistance in helping me improve my marketing.  Look for a website update soon!  ;-)

BE Amazing,

-Lane

Rapport and Language

Continuing with our discussion on rapport, language is also a key component in creating rapport.  We each have a preference for how we express our reality, our world, through language.  When you meet someone in their person model of the world it is a strong element to rapport.

Some people use a Visual language and they like to know that your idea looks good.  They want you to see what they are saying.

Some people use an Auditory language and they like to know your idea rings true.  They want you to hear what they are saying.

Some people use a Kinesthetic language and they want to know your idea is solid.  They want you get what they are saying.

Any person is not just one of these however they will tend to favor one of these modalities.  When you can identify what that modality is, you can consciously adjust your language so it is more meaningful for the listener.  Everyone knows what is meant when the speaker says, "Do you see what I mean?" and the person who prefers to represent their world in the visual modality REALLY knows what it means. 

What modality do you tend to operate in?  Go back and look at some of your writings (non-business).  Pay attention to your words when you are having a casual discussion and notice the language you favor.

Once you understand what your preferred representational system is, begin to listen to others.  What words are they using that indicate who they tend to think about their world?  Now, consciously adjust your language so that it matches their preferred representational system.

Isn't that so brilliantly simply that it sounds like something you feel you can easily do?

Rapport

The first element in establishing effective communication is the development of rapport.  When rapport has been established, you AND the listener are both in a better position to  have a great discussion,one based on respect and trust.  Rapport feels good too!!

Imagine situations were there is no rapport between the speaker and the listener; a presenter in front of a group of people, a sales person attempting to help a customer.  What happens?  The listener gets bored, the message doesn't get through.  There is nothing good to come of that.  The presentation attendees end up without the benefit of the learnings from the presenter, the presenter gets a low rating.  The sales person doesn't get the sale and the customer leaves without what they wanted.

Rapport is often misconstrued as a situation where two or more people like each other.  While this can be true, rapport is more about a level of trust granted to the conversation because the persons involved are "like each other".  In rapport, the words exchanged carry a certain level of trust or credibility and therefore are more readily accepted.

In rapport, both the listener and the speaker will feel more comfortable.

Now, I know if you have ever attended ANY sales training course, they told you, "You have to get rapport".  And if they taught you how to get rapport, it was probably something like this, "Go into the person's office and look at what is on their desk and on their walls and talk about that." or "Talk about the weather, ask them if they like sports...  yada yada yada..."  ;-)

Rapport is an art form.  By physiologically becoming more like a person, rapport is naturally established.  In NLP, we call this matching and mirroring.  One might call it empathizing.  As you connect to the feels of the speaker, as you connect to the real meaning of the words, your face will have a similar expression as their face, you may stand in a similar way as they are standing and so on.

Now that you know understand that rapport has more to do with how to people relate to each other, put it in practice.  The next time you are having a discussion with someone, sit comfortably in a similar manner they are sitting and see if you feel even more connected.

If you want to learn more about rapport and more information on how to create it with individuals or groups, give me a call or send me an email.  I do business trainings in rapport as well.

Next week, rapport and language.

Persuasion 101

As promised, we begin a series on persuasion.  Why would knowing and applying persuasion techniques be important?  Isn't persuasion "bad"?

Being a trainer of NLP, I have on more than one occasion heard a person say, "NLP is about manipulation (a more nefarious perspective of persuasion)."  Indeed, NLP has been branded with the low-energy of persuasion or manipulation in some groups.  I submit to you that NLP is the essence of fine communication and, persuasion and manipulation are essential tools - so long as your ethics are clear.

I think it is important to begin with the idea in mind that persuasion is really about effective communication.  We are constantly trying to persuade people all the time.  We attempt to persuade our boss to give us a raise.  We attempt to persuade our customer to sign off of the order.  We attempt to persuade our spouse to spring for that vacation or big-screen TV.  We attempt to persuade our children to [insert your long laundry list of moral behaviors here].  Persuasion is simply selling our ideas and getting others to buy into them.

Assuming your ethics are in the right place, knowing persuasion techniques is all about empowered communication. 

Let's look at it from a sales perspective.  Your customer comes to you in order for you to sell them something.  They wouldn't be there otherwise.  They want you to make it easy for them to make a decision to buy your product.  With effective communication skills you can assist them in making the decision to buy from you.  Ineffective persuasion skills can result in a lost sale.  You don't get the sale and the would-be customer walks away without the product.  That is a lose-lose situation.

Persuasion techniques include establishing rapport, learning about how your listener thinks about their world and learning how they arrive at a decision.  Most people leave these out, choosing to focus on the benefit of their product or point of view, yet they are the essential components to truly help (persuade) someone to make a decision.

Rapport is the first and most essential skill.  It involves creating an unconscious bond between you and the listener so what you say is readily accept with a minimum of critical analysis.

Next week, how to create rapport.  Stay tuned!

Releasing Attachment - Part 2

Last week we began this idea of how we can release attachment and yet, remain focused on our goal.  Remember.  Intention is the gentle movement of energy into what you want.  It sets your focus while providing flexibility.

With certainty, if you do not specify what you want, it is difficult to get it.  If you offer no energy into the process of creation, you likely will end up with unrealized desires.  If you hold on so tightly to the outcome, you may just end up missing the opportunity to have it.

Intentions allow you to consciously direct the flow of energy into the process of creating what you while remaining open to the outcome.  By "flow of energy", what I mean is all the behind the scene activities that happen; activation of your RAS (Reticular Activating System), Activitation of the Law of Attraction, unconscious alignment of your values and so forth.

Some of the best known authors of time management and empowerment advise making a brief list of what you are going to do today.  This is setting intention.  People world-wide use a practice of setting intention first thing in the morning.  They report that it sets the tone for the day and makes them more productive.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to get a journal or pad of paper and each morning write the following line;

"Today I intend..."

And make a list of 3 to 5 things that you intend to happen just for today.  Maybe it is specific, "I intend to complete one more paragraph in my book."  Maybe it is somewhat less specific, "I intend to be open and receptive to the good in my life."  As you right that intention, imagine what the successful outcome of your intention would look like.  Imagine how you will feel when it happens.

Commit to this brief exercise for one month.  Pay attention to how the universe conspires in your favor with a little intention.

Releasing Attachment

Isn't it interesting that once you have done your best to align the moon and stars, until you let it go, there seems to be such resistance to you having your desires?  I know that you have experienced this many times; you want something so badly that it just always seems a bit out of reach until you toss your hands in the air and declare a willingness to accept whatever comes your way. 

At that point, magic happens and...  you get it.

We call this resistance 'attachment'.  It seems that, through attachment, we become so inflexible as to how we get our outcome that we end up missing it - or the avenues to get to it.

We also know that it is important to put energy into what you want to create because it takes energy to make stuff.  Energy flows where your attention goes.  This is called focus.

Now we end up with a conundrum.  How do we remain focused on what we want while letting go of the attachment to it?

I believe the answer is in setting your intention.  Intention is the gentle movement of energy into what you want.  It sets your focus while providing flexibility.

Next week, making intentions work.

Getting What You Want?

Have you figured it out yet?  Excuse me?  Oh!  Have you figured out yet what you want?

Good.  Now that you know, how do you allow that to happen easily for you...  simple really...  the magical ingredient you need to add to the power of the universe conspiring in your favor is called focus.

Colleen and I participate in a weekly group that meets at our church where we each create a 'vision book' by clipping pictures of things and events we would like to have in our life and putting those clippings into our book.  Kinda like scrapbooking for the future.  We write our goals for achieving our desires and bring them to life in our book.

There are only a few required actions on your part that put the energy of the universe into motion for you.

Step 1 - know what you want.  I think if you are going to create something in your life you should create what you want.

Step 2 - release any thoughts that are inconsistent with having your desire.  You change you mind about things all the time.  Go ahead and change you mind about your desires.  Know you can have them.  Be reasonable about when you choose to have them and know that you can.

Step 3 - direct the energy of the universe to manifest your desire.  This is the most important step.

You accomplish step 3 with focus.  Every book you will read about the secret to creating your desires all tell you to focus on what you want.  You see, energy flows where your attention goes.  In other words, what ever you put your attention on is where the universe, with the aid of your unconscious mind, moves energy.

Next week, we'll talk about more about focus and letting go of the attachment while continuing to move energy into what you want.

What do you want?

Last week I asked you, "What do you want?" Well... What do you want?

Most people go through life not really having given that much thought. Like a feather blowing in the wind, many people go through life creating moment by moment willy-nilly and accepting that as the 'cards' dealt them.

One of the important functions of your unconscious mind is to seek out and present to you what you want. Technically, this is called the Reticular Activating System. This is the part of the brain that is responsible for arousal. What ever you declare is a desire for you the RAS identifies it in your observable (conscious) world. For example, you decide you want a Black BMW Convertible and suddenly you begin to see them everywhere. Pretty cool huh? This is your unconscious mind's way of presenting you opportunities for you to take action to get what you want.

AARP, BBB, CDC, etc. These are all anagrams for businesses who take pride in helping any one of us who asks. They each serve a purpose to those who wish to use their services. And, they profit greatly from it.

Your unconscious mind is much like these businesses. It takes pride in helping when asked. It serves a great purpose to those who wish to use it. And, YOU will profit greatly from it.

Hypnosis and NLP are very good ways to get in touch with your unconscious mind. Your unconscious is expansive in its abilities, there are many areas in which it can help. Feel free to use the anagram AARP (All Aligning Response Programmer) or BBB (Best Behaving Brain) or CDC (Creating Desires Constantly) for your unconscious mind.

Tell yourself what you want. Go ahead. It's fun and you are worth it.

Words from The Coach

It was an honor and pleasure for me this past weekend to listen to a brief talk given by the legendary football coach of Baylor University from 1972-1992, Coach Grant Teaff.  He does not know who I am, or that I was there, or even that I would take his words to heart and share them with you.

Coach Teaff is an inspiring man, as an excellent coach should be (http://baylorbears.cstv.com/trads/bay-grantteaff.html), and he knows something about how to set the tone of the day.  Coach Teaff told me that he has a phrase that he uses every day of his life; one, that when repeated, inspires him.  If ever he is experiencing a negative state, this phrase unlocks the door of negativity allowing him to escape to empowerment and success.

Sometimes we find ourselves wanting but not knowing what we want.  And this simple phrase will provide you guidance in that state as well.

I am only one, but I am one.

I can't do everything, but I can do something.

That which I can do, I ought to do.

That which I ought to do, by God's grace I shall do. 

- Coach Grant Teaff

Thank you coach,

-Lane

Change your words - Change your thinking

Last week we looked at how changing your thinking changes your life.  This week, wouldn't it be great to have a tool to instantly change your own thinking?  Would you like to have that resource instantly available to you at any moment?  Yeah, I thought so...

Here it is; your language defines the reality you choose to live in.

John, a good friend of mine, was telling me about when he played basketball they use to go out on the court and use "trash-talk" to intimidate the other team.  "You're slow!  You can't make that shot!  You move like a dog with dry heaves!", they might say to each other (okay, I admit, I made up the last one.)

What's interesting about "trash-talk" is that the one doing the "trash-talking", at some level, ends up feeling not so good.  You see, the unconscious mind will always take what you say, and what you think, as a direct suggestion from you... for yourself...

John said that his team decided to change their language towards their competitor to throw off their game. Kill'em with kindness, I guess you would call it.  They began to say things like, "Dude, your fast and I'm faster!  Go for it try to get the ball past me!  Come on, you can make it!"

That greatest leaders on the planet know, you always assume the other team is bringing their "A" game and you prepare to beat them at that level.  Because your unconscious mind always takes what you say personally, that means, at the unconscious level, you are going to feel better and play better.

My friend John told me that not only did he enjoy playing basketball more than ever, he seems to be playing better himself.  Hmmmm....

Do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself around,

-Lane

Change your thinking - Change your life

Isn't it wonderful to know that you are in control of your life?  You are in control of the reality that you choose to expereicne.  You can make it ANYTHING you desire.  What's that you say???  Oh - How do you do that?

Well, Albert Einstein made the observation that you cannot change a problem with the same level of thinking that created the problem.  We agree with that.  So many of the people I encounter in my daily activities are soooo stuck in some rut.  They are stuck in some sort of behavior or mindset that they consciously want to be free from yet they are 'too close to the trees to see the forest.'

I know you have been there.  We all have.  Me too. And when we are in that stuck place we seem to justify it by brooding on what we don't want.  We give it existence by giving it our attention and when we give something our attention, we give it our energy.

We do this automatically.  Sometimes we wake up "on the wrong side of the bed" and just start the day off feeling cranky.  And in that state, no matter what happens it is "bad", blah. "Oh goody, I got a raise today - they clearly don't think much of me with such a small amount."

And there are those days when we wake in the morning and as your eyes open - it is a joyful day.  All the animals of the forest are singing and life is glorious.  On that day - nothing can go wrong.  You could get a flat tire and your just happy to have had the opportunity to hunt down that little jack burried deep in your car.  You'd been wondering where that little bugger was!

The ancient sage Patanjali said that when there is thinking in the negative, dwell on the opposite.  When you do that now, something very amazing happens.  You begin to adopt the feelings of your new thought.  Yep, it really is that easy!

Have you noticed that if you remember a specific time when you were really upset, you actually begin to feel those feeling?  Well, the same is true for remembering a time when you felt happy or joyful.  Really, it's true.  Go ahead and close your eyes and remember in great detail a specific time when you felt amazingly happy/confident/proud/sexy (pick one).  Really remember it.  Go ahead.  I'll wait for you...

Whoa!  You ARE Amazing.

BE / DO / HAVE - The Natural Order

I often ask my clients, "What do you want?" and this is an important question. I think it is important to know what you want so you can have direction and focus in your life, however; knowing what you want is not the answer to having it.

Most important, when you consider what you want in your life and what you are willing to do, you must consider first who you are being.

A couple of years back I had a wonderful opportunity to work with a university men's soccer team.  I was the "Team Performance Specialist".  My job was to help the team BE in a champion mindset.  It was great fun working with the young men.  They readily accepted the notion that they were in control of their team's destiny and that they, as champions, would prevail.  I'm please to report that they did in fact win their division.

The natural order requires you to first BE.  If you desired to be a champion in soccer, you must BE the champion in your mind.  That kind of thinking leads to DOing what a champion does which results in HAVEing a championship.

Sheila Wallace, a friend of mine, said to me the other day, "When you know who you are, doing is the result of just showing up as your self."  What a powerful statement that is!  Sheila was saying exactly the same thing - BE / DO / HAVE.

So let me sum it up this way...

If you want to have a loving relationship

First - BE loving

So you will DO loving things and

The Law of Attraction will create what you

Want to HAVE.

Experience True Freedom

Are you honestly experiencing freedom in your life? If you have doubts about what you can be, doubts about what you can do, you are not free. The experience of freedom is a state of mind so in this month of celebrating freedom it is important to turn the attention of our mind to being truly free.

You are ready to learn two Power Secrets that will set your life free.

Limitations are a funny thing. Once created and accepted by you, in your mind, those limitations profoundly affect every area of your life. Limitations are like shackles on your wrists and ankles. They hold you in a silent bondage, preventing your freedom to be whatever you want to be.

July, is your time to truly BE free. Free from your limiting beliefs and free from your old patterns of behavior. Ask yourself now, “What do I want?” Search your heart. What dreams do you most want? What would you do if you knew for certain that failure is not possible? Okay, got it? So now, what do you do?

Power Secret #1 – In the words of Winston Churchill, “Never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in…” Your job is to decide what you want in your life. Decide that it is happening for you right this very minute and every day, place your focus on what it is that you desire. If you have limiting thoughts creep in your mind, free yourself from them. Refuse them your attention and instead bring your attention back to what you want.

Power Secret #2 – Decide each moment to be responsible for everything that happens. Make the assumption that you made the choice for every event you observe to happen. Even when someone else does something that you might disagree with. In your mind, assume total responsibility for it. I must warn you… this is the most powerful thing you can do to change your life! If you are responsible for something then you can change it. Since you are the amazing being that you are, you can change it into something you want right now.

BE Free!
-Lane

The Importance of Rapport

Recently I had the honor and privilege to speak to a group of real estate professionals for a local company that is growing by leaps and bounds.  We talked about the skill of rapport and how it is a tool used by the top 20% of all sales people.  Rapport is so important in sales that it makes the difference between winning and losing.

You may not be a sales person in your career but I'd like you to consider this; you're selling something - everyday. Whether you know it or not, you are selling your ideas.  If you're a parent, I'd like you to ask yourself, who is the better sales person; you or the drug dealer that happens to run into your kids while he or she is hanging out with friends at the mall or movie theater?  Oh yes, you're a sales person too.

Rapport is the concept that trust is established because two people are like each other.  When we have rapport we can communicate ideas without regard to content, trusting the other party to draw their own conclusions that are consistent with ours.  Information is more readily accepted without being subjected to a high level of scrutiny.

Isn't it true that when you meet someone for the first time (assuming you intend to get to know them better) that you begin looking for something you have in common.  The first questions we ask are, "Are you from the area?" or "How about those Cowboys?"  We ask questions to establish some common ground upon which we can have a conversation.  From those initial words we begin to form our first impression of our new contact.  Friend or foe is yet to be determined.

There is something else happening simultaneously at an unconscious level.  Unconsciously you evaluate the other person based on a whole host of criteria.  By unconsciously I mean without awareness.

We use to refer to this unconscious evaluation as a "vibe" we might get about a person.  A gut feeling or just something inside that feels warm or cold towards the other person.

If upon meeting for the first time, I see you as a reflection of me (at the unconscious level) then I more easily give you trust than someone who I see as totally not like me.  The reasoning behind this is simple.  I like me.  I believe that I am an honest and trustworthy person.  You therefore, appearing to be very much like me, must be trustworthy too.  It works in the same way for people who don't like themselves and don't believe they themselves are trustworthy.  This is the Jungian concept of "Perception is Projection".  What we perceive in our mind, we project into our world.  This would be a great topic for next month's article.

The theory of rapport is based on a study done in 1970 at the University of Pennsylvania by Dr. Raymond Birdwhistle called Kinesics in Communication.  What Dr. Birdwhistle found is that only 7% of our communication is made up of words.  Tone makes up 38% and a whopping 55% of our communication is in the physiology. 

Physiology refers to everything about our body; posture, facial expressions, how we breath, how we speak and so forth.  Outside of the words, which have our attention, physiology and tone make up 93% of our communication and that is, for the most part, out of our general awareness!  You are always communicating unconsciously.

Armed with this knowledge, now you understand how to begin establishing rapport. You become like them.  Use conversation to discover common ground and begin allowing yourself to become like the other person physiologically.  Match and mirror what the other person is doing outside of their awareness.  If they talk using their hands, don't leave your hands crammed in your pockets.  Get them out in front of you.

You can match anything about a person's physiology from the way they are sitting in a chair to the facial expressions and how their voice sounds.  So long as it is done outside of awareness the two of you will naturally fall into rapport.  Beware, if this is done overtly and within the awareness of the person you're a communicating with then they will think you are mocking them.  Be casual.  Simply fall into a like body posture a short time after the have moved into that posture.

Try casually matching and mirroring everyone you communicate with for a week.  When you feel comfortable with it begin noticing how you feel friendlier towards that person.  If you want to see if you have established rapport, try leading your new friend into some other body posture.  Cross your arms or lean forward in your chair.  When they follow you by matching or mirroring your move, you will know you have established a very good level of rapport.

The Winning Edge

The Winning Edge

Recently I had the honor and privilege to speak to a group of real estate professionals for a local company that is growing by leaps and bounds. We talked about the skill of rapport and how it is a tool used by the top 20% of all sales people. Rapport is so important in sales that it makes the difference between winning and losing.

You may not be a sales person in your career but I’d like you to consider this; you’re selling something - everyday. Whether you know it or not, you are selling your ideas. If you’re a parent, I’d like you to ask yourself, who is the better sales person; you or the drug dealer that happens to run into your kids while he or she is hanging out with friends at the mall or movie theater? Oh yes, you’re a sales person too.

Rapport is the concept that trust is established because two people are like each other. When we have rapport we can communicate ideas without regard to content, trusting the other party to draw their own conclusions that are consistent with ours. Information is more readily accepted without being subjected to a high level of scrutiny.

Isn’t it true that when you meet someone for the first time (assuming you intend to get to know them better) that you begin looking for something you have in common. The first questions we ask are, “Are you for the area?” or “How about those Falcons?” We ask questions to establish some common ground upon which we can have a conversation. From those initial words we begin to form our first impression of our new contact. Friend or foe is yet to be determined.

There is something else happening simultaneously at an unconscious level. Unconsciously you evaluate the other person based on a whole host of criteria. By unconsciously I mean without awareness.

We use to refer to this unconscious evaluation as a “vibe” we might get about a person. A gut feeling or just something inside that feels warm or cold towards the other person.

If upon meeting for the first time, I see you as a reflection of me (at the unconscious level) then I more easily give you trust than someone who I see as totally not like me. The reasoning behind this is simple. I like me. I believe that I am an honest and trustworthy person. You therefore, appearing to be very much like me, must be trustworthy too. It works in the same way for people who don’t like themselves and don’t believe they themselves are trustworthy. This is the concept of “Perception is Projection”. What we perceive in our mind, we project into our world. This would be a great topic for next month’s article.

The theory of rapport is based on a study done in 1970 at the University of Pennsylvania by Dr. Raymond Birdwhistle called Kinesics in Communication. What Dr. Birdwhistle found is that only 7% of our communication is made up of words. Tone makes up 38% and a whopping 55% of our communication is in the physiology. Physiology refers to everything about our body; posture, facial expressions, how we breath, how we speak and so forth. Outside of the words, which have our attention, physiology and tone make up 93% of our communication and that is, for the most part, out of our general awareness! You are always communicating unconsciously.

Armed with this knowledge, now you understand how to begin establishing rapport; you become like them. Use conversation to discover common ground and begin allowing yourself to become like the other person physiologically. Match and mirror what the other person is doing outside of their awareness. If they talk using their hands, don’t leave your hands crammed in your pockets. Get them out in front of you.

You can match anything about a person’s physiology from the way they are sitting in a chair to the facial expressions and how their voice sounds. So long as it is done outside of awareness the two of you will naturally fall into rapport. Beware, if this is done overtly and within the awareness of the person you’re a communicating with then they will think you are mocking them. Be casual. Simply fall into a like body posture a short time after the have moved into that posture.

Try casually matching and mirroring everyone you communicate with for a week. When you feel comfortable with it begin noticing how you feel friendlier towards that person. If you want to see if you have established rapport, try leading your new friend into some other body posture. Cross your arms or lean forward in your chair. When they follow you by matching or mirroring your move, you will know you have established a very good level of rapport.

To your best,

-Lane

Let's Get Physical

A brief break from presuppositions to talk about magic...

93% of all your communication is unconscious! The words you say only make up 7% of your communication. One of the things I enjoy most about public speaking is making use of that 93%. It is a real art form!

The tone of your voice (including cadence, emphasis and chunking) make up 35% of your communication and therefore actually change the meaning of the words you say. Tone is a bit more unconscious than the words. Certain tones can evoke memories of an old boss or co-worker, or maybe even a parent or sibling.

However, it is not what is in the voice, but rather in the body, that makes up 58% of all your communication. Your body language communicates to your listener at a very unconscious level. How you stand, how you move from one place on the stage to another, how you move your hands – all convey information to your listener.

Because your body conveys more information than your words, doesn’t it make sense to put at least as much thought into what you do as you put into what you say?

Many public speakers and trainers of public speaking will say that there are certain things you should not do when on stage, like put your hands in your pocket, or pace back and forth and I would agree with them with one exception. If you are doing it on purpose – to evoke a certain state from your audience then go for it! Ask yourself when you move your body, “Am I doing this with intent?”

The magic in being an excellent speaker comes not in the words. The magic comes from your ability to connect with your audience (rapport) and lead them through a series of images and states (emotions) leaving them with a final image and state that you choose.

Now that is what I call magic.

BE Amazing,
-Lane

There is no such thing as failure

There is no such thing as failure, only feedback. This is a much more powerful belief than acceptance of, and acquiescence to, failure. Maybe, sometimes things don’t end up the way we want them. It happens all the time in my life. The question is, “How do you respond?”

If you accept it as a ‘failure’ it is difficult to feel good. If you accept it as feedback only, then you can feel good about what you have learned than you adjust your approach and have another go at it. Even if you’re adjusted approach mean abandoning or “giving up”.

There is another quote you have probably heard, “You only fail when you give up.” I submit to you that there is a time to give up. Winston Churchill said, “This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense.”

Keeping the faith,
-Lane

You have all the resources you need

People already have all the resources they need, they just need to get access to them and sequence them in the right order to achieve what they want to achieve.

Probably the single biggest obstacle to gaining access to our resources is simply a belief that we cannot access them. One simple belief, that’s it. Imagine just what you could do if you believed that anything was possible. Moreover, you have used all the resources at your current awareness to get to where you are in your life right this moment. I ask you, are you being joyous?

What do you want? Know that you have the resources. Focus on having it. Do what you need to do to have it.

BEing resourceful,
-Lane

The most useful comparison to make

The most useful comparison to make is to oneself over time. All too often we look outside ourselves and evaluate our condition or situation with what others have. Well that is just not very useful! You are not that other person. You are you!

In every way, you are beautiful, unique and amazing.

To compare yourself with someone else is like comparing a flower with a truck. They are different for a reason. Wouldn’t it make more sense to decide what you want in life and then begin comparing your progress today with where you have been in the past? Only this way can see what you have done.

BEing me,

-Lane

If it is possible for another, it is possible for me.,

If it is possible for another, it is possible for me. If one person can do something, other people can learn from that person’s success. Remember Roger Banister and breaking the 4 minute mile?

Behavior results form a tremendous number of processes all working in concert. Consider playing golf. There is the internal dialog (self-talk), the body’s ability to move easily, the body’s strength, energy from nutrition, the ability to recover from a shot that went astray and so on. If you want to play golf exactly like Tiger Woods then you must do EXACTLY what Tiger Woods does. All the way down to what he eats, how he exercises and what he thinks. The more precisely you can recreate all the processes Tiger uses to play golf, the more precisely you will replicate Tiger’s results.

NLP is all about the process of modeling. If there is a particular behavior or attitude you desire, then find someone to model. Break down everything they do into tiny bite size pieces and BE what you observe.

-Lane

Every behavior is useful in some context

Every behavior is useful in some context. This is one of my favorite presuppositions because it really does give you a reason to pause and evaluate a person’s behavior (instead of reacting).

A man was explaining that his young daughter was so headstrong. She wouldn’t listen to him and always had to prove things out for herself. He feared she would have to learn her mistakes the hard way. His friend said, “Isn’t it great that when she is out on her first date with a boy that you can count on her to stand her ground on and not give in to pressure just because someone else wants her too?”

Behaving,
-Lane

Symptoms messengers never rest

Symptom messengers never rest until the message is delivered.

Louise Hay is well known for her work in teaching how the body reflects the needs of the individual. For example, problems in the back are related to issues about support. Foot problems are related to moving forward in life, a fear of the future perhaps.

Pain is a common “symptom messenger” that many people experience. What people fail to realize is that the pain is really just a message to tell you to pay attention. If you sprain your wrist then the unconscious mind creates the pain and projects it into the wrist so you will notice the problem and begin to take care of it. After all, if you don’t take care of it then you could do further harm.

Here is the cool thing about pain… because it is a messenger, the moment you take care of the problem, the pain goes away. If you have enough rapport with your unconscious mind then the pain will go away by just asking it to.

Intriguing,

-Lane

People work perfectly

People work perfectly to get the results that they are getting.

Yep. That’s right. Where ever you are in your life, what ever weight you are, what ever health you are in, what ever financial condition – you have worked very hard to get to this point. Love it. Embrace it. Now, decide how you want to make it better. What do you want?

What you are experiencing in your life is a perfect reflection of your dreams and your fears. You are perfect the way you are.

Therapists: I think it is most important to begin with the idea in mind that people are not broken. If the results they are getting are not aligned with what they want then it is time to do something different.

Working perfectly,

-Lane

You cannot not communicate.

You cannot not communicate.

You are always communicating even when you choose not to. That is communication too. Okay, so you are always communicating. Doesn’t it make the most sense then to communicate intentionally?

As a trainer of NLP, I sometimes have to get ‘tough’ with a recalcitrant student or a client and sometimes, I get called out on it by another student. “How come you didn’t use NLP on him?” or “Why did you loose state control?” The truth is, sometimes it is necessary to get tough or harsh with your language, tone and physiology in order to meet the other person on common ground. Remember the playground bully? The only way to get their respect was to be tough with them. Do you act tough out of reaction or get tough as a purposeful response?

Regardless, remember that your communication is made up of your words, your tone and your physiology. Of these, words account for only 7% of the communication.

Peace,

-Lane

Flexibility

The most flexible element in any system will tend to control that system.

Especially as it relates to people, the person who can maintain the greatest level of flexibility while enforcing their boundaries will control the situation. In NLP, people pride themselves on being ‘cool-headed’ as if nothing gets to them. They will hide behind a smug grin while someone is shouting in their face. The fact is that sometimes you need to have flexibility in your behavior and that may mean choosing a behavior that is confrontational. The question is do you control your behavior, are you being flexible, or is the behavior controlling you?

The classic example of this is the child who throws a tantrum in a public to get ice cream and mom or dad acquiesces and buys the child the ice cream. I remember one time when my child did the very same thing. I sat quietly waiting for the end of the tantrum and as it quieted down I ask, “Are you through?” “Yes sir”, came the defeated response. Some times being flexible means allowing something to happen and being okay with that.

BE Amazing,

-Lane

First, Rapport

Start with Rapport, ecology, then desired outcomes

This is an especially important presupposition for the NLP Practitioner. Unfortunately, so many “wise-guys” think that NLP is a verbal hammer with which to beat people into submission. The fact is the NLP is a verbal tool and how one wields the tool will define the ecology if its use.

I remember Bob Proctor saying, “I don’t know much about electricity but I do know that with it, you can cook a man’s dinner or you can cook the man.” Well said Bob. Electricity is a tool and how you use it will define the ecology of it.

In any exchange, start from a place of rapport - this will create the space necessary for an ecological win-win-win. Rapport, then ecology, then desired outcomes, makes for a nice check and balance system. It would be impossible to create a desired outcome that would be harmful if strict attention were given to this presupposition.

-Lane

If don't like the results

If you don’t like the results you are getting, do something different.

I once heard the definition of insanity as ‘doing the same thing over and over again expecting to get a different result.’ ‘Nuff said.

-Lane

The meaning of a communication is the response you get

The meaning of a communication is the response you get

George Bernard Shaw said, “The problem with communication is the illusion that is has been accomplished.” Isn’t that so true in lots of different ways?

In any communication, the listener will necessarily delete, distort and generalize the information that the speaker has already deleted, distorted and generalized. Remember playing the game of ‘telephone’ as a kid? One child would whisper in another’s ear a short story and that child would pass it on around the circle until it ended up back with the first child. It was so much fun to see how the story had changed!

As an excellent communicator, be flexible in your communication. Take any and all responses from the listener as feedback and calibrate this to the result you intended. If you didn’t get the result you wanted then adjust your communication.

BE Amazing,

-Lane

Benefit of doubt

People always make the best choices available to them given their personal situation at the time.

Whatever the situation, a person will choose the best option for them given the resources that are available to them. You and I might look at a particular situation and ask why. That is because we have different resources available to us. Maybe it is only a difference in thinking.

I like to call this presupposition ‘benefit of doubt’. While I may have responded differently, I can acknowledge that they did the best they could.

-Lane

There is good in even bad behavior

Behind every behavior is a positive intent.

We do what we do only because, in some way, even if only unconsciously, we believe it will help us in some way. A child will have a tantrum in order to get candy. The behavior is not positive however the intent behind the behavior is.

No matter how heinous the act, there is always a positive intent for the individual. Perhaps the behavior satisfies a need for acceptance by a group or a need for sexual release. I think we can all agree that there are aberrant behaviors and we have constructed societal methods for dealing with those behaviors. Those behaviors must be dealt with.

What is so important about this presupposition is that is suspends judgment and has us begin to understand the motivation behind the act. If a solution can be found that provides for the need of the actor and society then that would be the best outcome.

Seek to find the good and you will.

More on The Map is Not the Territory

The map is not the territory – there is always more choice in the real world than in ones mental maps of reality.

“The map is not the territory” (Alfred Korzybski) says that the representation of something is not that thing. Seems pretty simple right? When you look at a map you know that it is a map, a representation of a place – not the actual place.

As meaning-making creatures, we access our world through the five common senses and from that “map” we assume reality. What you sense is only a representation of reality taken in by our eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin. Take the case of a police officer that shows up on an accident scene with 3 witnesses. The officer will take three reports and each report will represent a distinct map (now twice remove from the actual experience, the first one being the observation and processing of the event). None of those reports is the event.

Continue to be an astute observer even when you believe you have your answer. More information and observations will be available to you.

BE Curious,

-Lane

A new definition for NLP

This afternoon I read a great article from Steve Andreas that succinctly defines NLP. I have often described it as “the manual for how to run your mind (and body)”. Check this out…

First there was psychoanalysis, analyzing the mind. Then there was psychotherapy, in which one person treats or "therapizes" another. NLP can also be used in this way, but primarily NLP is about psychoeducation, teaching someone how to use their mind, so that people can use it with themselves, as more of a personal practice, rather than a therapy.

Nice Steve. Thanks!

The Map is Not the Territory

The map is not the territory – there is always more choice in the real world than in ones mental maps of reality.

What ever you believe to be real is real for you in your map of reality. There is a tremendous amount of information coming into your awareness at any one time. In order to deal with all that information, you filter it through your five senses and your internal processes. This then makes up your experience – your reality.

For example, you and a friend may sit together and watch the same movie and yet each of you will have your own individual experience of the movie. Some part of that movie may mean more to you than it does to your friend.

I especially like this presupposition because it helps me to remember that what you experience is always different than what I experience and that if we agree to accept that other options are available then there can always be a basis for agreement.

It also reminds me that what ever limitation I am experiencing are not reality, rather they are a byproduct of the thinking I am engaged in at the moment.

BE Amazing,

-Lane

So long as people have an ego...

So long as people have an ego, they live from their visual, auditory, kinesthetic, emotional, and linguistic maps of reality rather than reality.

The ego is, in psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality (American Heritage Dictionary). Given this, living through the ego necessarily requires that one will process their reality from their V-A-K maps of reality. Emotion is the ego response to the reality and the language is the best description of the reality. In all these ways of experiencing, none of them are reality. They are our best representation filtered through the ego.

To be in your ego self is a good thing so long as you recognize that you are acting from your ego and you remember that you are more than your ego. You are a spiritual being experiencing the ego.

Best wishes to you,
-Lane

Stability, Regularity, Predictability and Habit

Stability, regularity, predictability and habit use less energy, are more stable, and preferable to constant change so long as behaviors are not maladapted to the context and produce the desired outcome.

I think this is truer in the USA than in other parts of the world. Take the humble cell phone plan. We will purchase more minutes because there is significant comfort in knowing that the bill will always be $99.99 each month even though we never use all those minutes. We just can’t stand it when the carrier hits us with even one of those high per-minute charges. Now, once the per-minute charges become a burden (maladapted to our situation) then we attempt to get back to stability buy upgrading our plan.

In sales, the role of a sales person is to help the buyer make the purchase. Make it easy for them to buy and they will buy it.

In therapy, if the adopted behavior is stable, regular, predictable, and uses the least energy possible, then the change will be more likely to stick.

Best wishes to you,
-Lane

Humans are meaning making creatures

Humans are meaning making creatures. We abhor confusion and unpredictability.

In a general sense, humans like to understand their world. We are very curious aren’t we?

A person will continue to seek meaning out of confusion. Order and process are very important and our minds are continually seeking to order, categorize and classify our world. Once done, then a new order of thinking can emerge and a new level of understanding or learning can be achieved. Really, confusion is a nice indicator that you are about to learn something very important.

A person will continue to seek control or predictability over the unpredictable. In what job can you be right only 30% of the time and still keep your job? Right – weatherman! All kidding aside, as a hobby, I am an amateur radio operator and I work with the local group to spot and monitor storms in our county. I find it amazing that today we have the technology to be able to predict sever storms 3 to 5 days in advanced with a high degree of accuracy.

There is this internal drive to straighten the path, unless keeping the curves in the path allow us to make sense of something we don’t understand.

You can empower you communications by keeping this presupposition mind. Whatever you say, the listener will apply filters to eliminate confusion and create meaning from your words. Remember these are their filters and the communication received may not necessarily be what was intended.

BE Amazing,
-Lane

People Can Change. Systems Can Change.

People can change. Systems can change.

Keith Fail is a fellow NLP Trainer and he runs an executive coaching business down in Austin. While I never met Keith face to face, I would call him a friend as he is engaged in using his skills to empower people.

In NLP there is a set of ‘Presuppositions’ one should take into account when applying the techniques. Presuppositions are convenient assumptions and they essentially reframe the practitioner into a more empowering state. I like Keith’s spin on Presuppositions so I thought I would share these with you in a series of blog entries.

The first of these is “People can change. Systems can change.” And it is a presupposition that is not taught in many NLP schools. I think this was the foundation behind Dr. Grinder’s thinking in New Code NLP.

In many NLP schools and “back in the day”, NLPers liked to label people and put them into a box. They would say, “Oh, you’re a Visual” or they might say, “You always do (run a strategy) when that happens.” The truth is, a person is never just a Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic or Auditory Digital. They are all of these at any moment in time and can change from one to the other in an instant. A person will not ‘always’ run a certain strategy when a particular event happens. We are much, much more complex beings than that.

The mark of a skilled NLP practitioner is one who can readily identify tendencies of the subject to act or process information a certain way and still maintain a conscious awareness of shifts in the client as they move from one way of thinking to another.

People can change and they can change very quickly (without warning).

Systems can change too. Consider a system as an interaction between people. At any moment in time there are rapid shifts in the physical, emotional and mental bodies and there could be hundreds or thousands of these shifts each minute.

The thinking process of a person could be considered a system as well. A Strategy is a system (process) for handling decisions and actions. While a person might have a tendency to always run a certain strategy (we are creatures of habit), it is not a guarantee they will always do so.

So, gentle reader, what does this mean for you?

Remember that ‘where’ a person is, how they are acting or what ever the current situation is, you can best respond by being in the moment and calibrating on the needs of ‘now’ and how that shifted over a span of time.

BE Amazing,
-Lane

Responsibility

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, pg. 71, Steven Covey writes,

“Look at the word responsibility – ‘response-ability’ – the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.”

What Covey is talking about is BEing empowered or, more importantly, how to BE empowered. You see, every day you get to make the choice. Are you going to assume responsibility for your life or are you going to allow yourself to be bullied by external forces and circumstances?

In Technologies of the Mind, we talk about this in terms of Cause/Effect. Are you the cause for what is going on in your life or are you at effect of events going on in your life?

I cannot stress enough the importance in understanding the difference between the two. Cause is the condition of creating an effect. Effect is the end-state of the cause. We live in a causal world. For example, if you were to insert your key into your car’s ignition, you begin a chain of cause-effect events that result (hopefully) in the car starting. Twisting the key causes the effect of electronic contacts coming together. That causes the effect of an electrical current to flow through a circuit. That causes the effect of a motor to turn. That causes the effect of the engine begin to turn – and so on.

If you begin to assume responsibility for everything that happens in your life, you move into your full power as a human being. Have you considered that your world is the world of your own creation? That your reality is yours by your intentional creation? What I am suggesting to you is simply this… everything that you experience, whether or not you necessarily like it, you are the cause for. Wow! For some people that can be heavy! Pay close attention, you are the “cause”. It was a series of events and choices executed by you that resulted in your experience.

The next idea is simply this. If you are at cause for every event in your life then you are fully empowered to do something about it. Nice huh? Be the intentional cause for creating your life the way you want it. When you fully commit to that idea you begin to get the kind of results in your life that you consciously want. There is more work to be done of course – like letting go of your negative emotions and limiting decisions – you come to the conclusion that you totally deserve to BE, DO and HAVE what you want.

Being at cause for your life has nothing to do with being at fault or to blame. It has everything to do with being responsible. You see, stuff happens. I think we can agree on that. What our friend Mr. Covey is saying is that you get to decide how you are going to respond. I think the obvious answer is, respond in whatever way is empowering to you.

BE Amazing,
-Lane

This Door Swings Both Ways

This Door Swings Both Ways

Everyone’s life is bittersweet
It's a door that opens wide
And no man can call himself complete
Till he's seen it from both sides
This door swings both ways
It's marked 'In' and 'Out'
Some days you'll want to cry
And some days you will shout
This door swings both ways
It goes back and forth
In comes a southern breeze
Or a cold wind from the north
This door swings both ways
Lets in joy and pain
In comes the morning sun
And then the evening rain
This door swings both ways
Lets in dark and light
Every day you make the choice
To let in wrong or right
When shadows fall
You must prepare yourself for sunshine
For everything there is an end
And so my friend you must be brave
This door swings both ways
Which one will it be
Will we live in happiness
Or dwell in misery
This door swings both ways
Lets in earth and sky
Make the most of livin'
If you're not prepared to die
Make the most of livin'
If you're not prepared to die
Lyrics by: Thomas & Levitt - Herman’s Hermits

Wisdom from the British Invasion! The point is we do have a choice. There is a story that I have heard told in several different ways my favorite goes like this…

The tribal chief’s son says, “Father, I am concerned. I have a terrible conflict inside of me. It is like two wolves fighting. One wolf is kind and gentle. The other wolf is vengeful and destructive. Which of these wolves will win my life?” His father replies, “The one that you feed.”

Those are true words.

“Every day you make the choice
To let in wrong or right”

So may it be,
-Lane

Giving and Receiving

I’d be willing to bet that if you are reading this blog because you’re interested in personal empowerment then you are probably a giver. I see so many of them everyday. Givers give of their time, energy, resources – everything! Givers are there to help others. And… sometimes… Givers are not good receivers.

I once knew a person who did another person a small service as a favor. The second person insisted on paying, much to the discomfort of the first. Eventually the first resigned his position and accepted the pay – by turning his back and hold his hand out behind him in a most “I’m-not-worthy” way. Wow! Can you imagine how the payer felt both not able to express his appreciation for the service but then to encounter the unhappy reception of his money? To the same extent, the person receiving was literally declaring to the world, “Money makes me feel bad.”

I used to be that person. At Christmas time, I’d love to give a present and when given one, I’d feel embarrassed and fuss about “Oh you didn’t need to.” or some silly passing over of my own appreciation.

I once heard that you cannot give from an empty cup. What a powerful a message that was for me. I learned afterwards that if I didn’t charge appropriately and be willing to receive for my services then I could not do want I wanted to do for very long. This was just a practical lesson of the advise about the empty cup.

Reader, let me share with you this lesson. You must be willing to receive in order to give. The more you receive, the more you can give! Money, time, resources are all just energy and the universe is abundant with it. More importantly, the universe demands a balance of it. Energy must be exchange for work or other services performed. The energy may not necessarily come directly from the person whom you are helping. It may sneak in the side from a third party.

You don’t know how or when or where energy will find you. That is not your job. Your job is to be open to receiving it.

In gratitude,
-Lane

Change the World Day

If there was an organization dedicated to empowering the planet through the expansion of human potential by making information about the human experience globally available, would you want to know about it?

If this organization’s values include; truth, credibility, achievement, fun, learning, teaching, excellence, humor, joy, consciousness, expansion, peace, humanitarian, connection, harmony, balance, love, freedom, compassion, understanding and forgiveness – would you want to be a part of it?

Imagine creating a repository of global thought, how people think and experience their world from all over the planet. Imagine how much more confident you can be when you begin to realize that others believe what you believe, understand what you understand. Imagine how much more you can grow when you realize the others can share with you a new way of being – a new way of thinking that you can have confidence in. Imagine how much compassion will exist between every individual across the planet when each one of us learns that we are all one people, bonded by common thought. “Imagine all the people sharing all the world.” [J. Lennon]

We understand one truth. We simply understand it from different perspectives.

Today is “Change the World Day”. The Foundation for Integrative Research, Inc. sets out on its mission.

In unity,
-Lane