The Meaning of Words

Words are the source of misunderstanding. Well, at least one of the sources. Let’s look at a bigger picture. Communication is the source of misunderstanding. George Bernard Shaw said, “The problem with communication is the illusion that is has been accomplished.”

We generally recognize communication in 2 forms; verbal and non-verbal. Dr. Anne Foerst a theologian and researcher at MIT put forth the idea that the humans might be better classified as homo narrandus, the story making animal. Humans create their reality and influence the reality of others through stories. A person might hold a strong opinion until they listen to the rest of the story and my-oh-my how easy that old opinion loses its strength.

Verbal communication is pretty straight forward for us. It is the communication that comes from the mouth to the ear, the spoken word. You might think that this would be something solid and easy to understand however, this is far from truth. What is most interesting to me is that because we are story making animals and words come so easy to us, we believe that this is communication.

Words have no meaning except the meaning which we choose to give them and that will change over time. Let’s take the word ‘love’. As you think of that word, your meaning for it is different than everyone else because your meaning is filtered through your experiences, judgments, senses and whole host of mental processes. What is the picture you have for ‘love’? What feelings are in your body? Do you hear any particular sound or perhaps say something to yourself as you think about ‘love’? What experiences pop up in your mind? All of that defines the meaning of ‘love’ to you and it is as unique as your own DNA. No one else on earth shares the same meaning of ‘love’ as you do and that meaning changes over time.

As a society, we can agree on generalized meanings of words and you will find them in the dictionary. Yet, even those meanings change over time. In the 1940’s, everyone wanted to be gay (happy). Now days, some people have a problem with that (who would have a problem with being happy??? [grin])

Words are so fluid that even emphasis can change their meaning. Consider the following;

“I didn’t steal the book.” = I didn’t steal the book.

“I didn’t steal the book.” = Someone else did.

“I didn’t steal the book.” = I borrowed it.

“I didn’t steal the book.” = I stole something else.

Non-verbal communication is even more slippery. Body language, accounts for almost 60% of your communication. Even if the person cannot see you! When you are speaking with someone on the phone, you can tell if they are smiling or not. It’s true isn’t it?

Funny thing about non-verbal communication, it doesn’t stop with the body. The mind is also involved. You are constantly projecting mental vibrations that radiate out and influence others as to the meaning and quality of your communication. Even if you are not saying a word, you are still communicating. Remember a time when you were standing in a queue, maybe at the grocery store or waiting to purchase a ticket to get into a move, and someone walked past you and you got an “icky” feeling from them? Perhaps you just felt yourself draw back from them or you had to shake off that feeling? No words were exchanged you just picked up on a bad vibe (at least that’s what we use to call it).

True magic happens when you understand how communication occurs and you begin to use your language with intent for two purposes; Number 1: you maintain your own state and your own projections. Number 2: you empower the other person in the communication and lead both of you to a mutual understanding.

The process of communication is a study unto itself. If you want to learn more about effective, empowering communication or about the Integrated Communication Model we teach, contact us about upcoming trainings or for more information.

Until then... BE Amazing!
-Lane