The most useful comparison to make

The most useful comparison to make is to oneself over time. All too often we look outside ourselves and evaluate our condition or situation with what others have. Well that is just not very useful! You are not that other person. You are you!

In every way, you are beautiful, unique and amazing.

To compare yourself with someone else is like comparing a flower with a truck. They are different for a reason. Wouldn’t it make more sense to decide what you want in life and then begin comparing your progress today with where you have been in the past? Only this way can see what you have done.

BEing me,

-Lane

If it is possible for another, it is possible for me.,

If it is possible for another, it is possible for me. If one person can do something, other people can learn from that person’s success. Remember Roger Banister and breaking the 4 minute mile?

Behavior results form a tremendous number of processes all working in concert. Consider playing golf. There is the internal dialog (self-talk), the body’s ability to move easily, the body’s strength, energy from nutrition, the ability to recover from a shot that went astray and so on. If you want to play golf exactly like Tiger Woods then you must do EXACTLY what Tiger Woods does. All the way down to what he eats, how he exercises and what he thinks. The more precisely you can recreate all the processes Tiger uses to play golf, the more precisely you will replicate Tiger’s results.

NLP is all about the process of modeling. If there is a particular behavior or attitude you desire, then find someone to model. Break down everything they do into tiny bite size pieces and BE what you observe.

-Lane

Every behavior is useful in some context

Every behavior is useful in some context. This is one of my favorite presuppositions because it really does give you a reason to pause and evaluate a person’s behavior (instead of reacting).

A man was explaining that his young daughter was so headstrong. She wouldn’t listen to him and always had to prove things out for herself. He feared she would have to learn her mistakes the hard way. His friend said, “Isn’t it great that when she is out on her first date with a boy that you can count on her to stand her ground on and not give in to pressure just because someone else wants her too?”

Behaving,
-Lane

Symptoms messengers never rest

Symptom messengers never rest until the message is delivered.

Louise Hay is well known for her work in teaching how the body reflects the needs of the individual. For example, problems in the back are related to issues about support. Foot problems are related to moving forward in life, a fear of the future perhaps.

Pain is a common “symptom messenger” that many people experience. What people fail to realize is that the pain is really just a message to tell you to pay attention. If you sprain your wrist then the unconscious mind creates the pain and projects it into the wrist so you will notice the problem and begin to take care of it. After all, if you don’t take care of it then you could do further harm.

Here is the cool thing about pain… because it is a messenger, the moment you take care of the problem, the pain goes away. If you have enough rapport with your unconscious mind then the pain will go away by just asking it to.

Intriguing,

-Lane

People work perfectly

People work perfectly to get the results that they are getting.

Yep. That’s right. Where ever you are in your life, what ever weight you are, what ever health you are in, what ever financial condition – you have worked very hard to get to this point. Love it. Embrace it. Now, decide how you want to make it better. What do you want?

What you are experiencing in your life is a perfect reflection of your dreams and your fears. You are perfect the way you are.

Therapists: I think it is most important to begin with the idea in mind that people are not broken. If the results they are getting are not aligned with what they want then it is time to do something different.

Working perfectly,

-Lane

You cannot not communicate.

You cannot not communicate.

You are always communicating even when you choose not to. That is communication too. Okay, so you are always communicating. Doesn’t it make the most sense then to communicate intentionally?

As a trainer of NLP, I sometimes have to get ‘tough’ with a recalcitrant student or a client and sometimes, I get called out on it by another student. “How come you didn’t use NLP on him?” or “Why did you loose state control?” The truth is, sometimes it is necessary to get tough or harsh with your language, tone and physiology in order to meet the other person on common ground. Remember the playground bully? The only way to get their respect was to be tough with them. Do you act tough out of reaction or get tough as a purposeful response?

Regardless, remember that your communication is made up of your words, your tone and your physiology. Of these, words account for only 7% of the communication.

Peace,

-Lane

Flexibility

The most flexible element in any system will tend to control that system.

Especially as it relates to people, the person who can maintain the greatest level of flexibility while enforcing their boundaries will control the situation. In NLP, people pride themselves on being ‘cool-headed’ as if nothing gets to them. They will hide behind a smug grin while someone is shouting in their face. The fact is that sometimes you need to have flexibility in your behavior and that may mean choosing a behavior that is confrontational. The question is do you control your behavior, are you being flexible, or is the behavior controlling you?

The classic example of this is the child who throws a tantrum in a public to get ice cream and mom or dad acquiesces and buys the child the ice cream. I remember one time when my child did the very same thing. I sat quietly waiting for the end of the tantrum and as it quieted down I ask, “Are you through?” “Yes sir”, came the defeated response. Some times being flexible means allowing something to happen and being okay with that.

BE Amazing,

-Lane