Peeking behind the veil

What is "real"? How do you define "real"? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then "real" is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain... (Morpheus, The Matrix 1999)

I love this quote from The Matrix. It is one of the great truisms that we live with every day yet it takes time to discover. What you believe is real is only the mental processing of those sensations from your eyes, ears, skin, nose and tongue combined with your feelings and agreements.

Winning, creating the outcome you want in your life, is the result of understanding this simple idea then digging a little deeper, taking a peek behind the veil so to speak. I was once asked, why do I need a 'coach'? Because a coach is operating from an objective position and can offer alternative ways of modifying your reality or to create the reality you want.

Do you need to hire a coach? Maybe. It depends on what you want to accomplish and in what time frame.

You could start by going to the Ask a Coach forum (click here). You may remain anonymous or register for a login. I recommend you register, that way you get notified when responses are left for you.

Go ahead. Take a peek.

Winning - A State of Mind

Last night the Texas Rangers' run for the World Series was ended by a very skilled San Fransisco Giants baseball team.

Did the Rangers loose? Well, yes - if you're talking about the competition of a baseball game. In any competition there is, and must be, a winner and a looser. Competition is what challenges us to continue to grow and become better, stronger, smarter, more skilled... In the context of competition, loosing is feedback that helps us understand better where we need to apply ourselves.

Outside of the context of competition, winning and loosing is a function of our mental state. Loosing is self-defeating and never does anyone any good. Winning, on the other hand, is a state where we continue to sharpen our skills and ability. Having a Winning Mental State is The Winning Edge.

A fellow I know, Drawk Kwast who teaches 'alpha-male' concepts, wrote an article recently that I thought was especially empowering - for everyone. He said, and I am paraphrasing here, the next time you drive by one of those communities where they are building some big expensive new homes, ask yourself, 'Who are they building those houses for?' If your mind does not immediately respond with, 'They are building them for ME!', I suggest, you are not yet operating from a winning mind set.

Granted, the Texas Rangers wanted to win the World Series and they are, no doubt, less than happy they did not. I really don't expect anyone of them to leave baseball because of it. ;-)

Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Not all that long ago there was joy and celebration (and even astonishment) as scientist and politicians declared the end of the oil spill crisis in the Gulf of Mexico. The scientists explained how a new strain of oil-eating bacteria happens to have a voracious appetite for just this kind of oil. The politicians slapped each other other on the back said, "Fine job! We got rid of the oil!"

Okay... great! And then we hear there is a layer of oil laying on the floor of the ocean. Surprise! ;-)

Just because you can't see it doesn't mean its not there. Oh how quickly we want to make a final determination or judgment based on observable data!

There is an inviolable fact that remains in all conditions.. that being... there is always more unobservable data than observable data.

I think empowerment comes through the judgment of whether or not you spend additional time on a subject rather than deciding if all the facts are in. If you always keep an open mind and realize that there is more data unknown to you - and that the data changes constantly - then, you can make an educated decision on the facts you have, decide if you want to spend anymore energy on the subject, and move on. This leaves you in the flexible position of being able to come back to the subject and process any new information without having to "save face" or defend a previously held position.

This month keep an open mind on your own thoughts, behaviors and actions. As best you can, always accept your own thoughts as being true and authentic and move forward with that information. Assume there is something more to know and seek to discover what that is. Ask yourself "Why?"

How do you see it?

If there is good then there is bad right? If there is happy then there must be sad??? Hmmm...

One of the ways we know what we know is by creating dichotomies like this in our mind. To know what something is, it is important that we know what it is not. You know a chair is a chair in part because you know a chair is not a table. They both have four legs and the both have stuff set upon them yet, somehow, you know that they are two different things with different purposes.

Have you ever met someone who setup their understanding of success as "the other guy must fail" in order for them to have won (or a deal must be good for me if it is bad for you)?

Now, I know you have heard of the win-win approach and I agree, in business and life in general, we must set our intention that everyone gets a win out it, and... sometimes there is a loser. Life is an experience of these dichotomies and how we choose to experience the dichotomy we are involved in will ultimately determine whether we are successful or not.

Take the case of some children sports where there is no "winner" identified because they don't want to other kids to be the "looser". I say, redefine the dichotomy; declare the winner and thank the other team for being competitors.

So, how do you see the dichotomies in your life? How can you redefine them in order to create the kind of experience you desire?

Focus

I spent a week in London this past month and it was interesting to get another perspective on items that make American news. For example, the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

The British news media has taken a strong position that the US being a bit overly dramatic regarding BP, forcing them to do things like set aside money for the clean up and causing great harm to the British people because BP dividends make up a large part of their pensioner's fund.

In America, we generally see the oil spill as a economic disaster for those people who depend on fishing and related activities for their livelihood. We also see this as a natural disaster causing great harm to the animals and ecosystem of the region.

For all the 'bad' in this situation, there is 'good' too. My daughter couldn't find a hotel room near Biloxi, Mississippi because they were booked full by BP. A full hotel is good for the hotel's profitability!

I guarantee that those we will mark as environmental heros in cleaning up this mess will make a VERY sizable profit.

So, when you think about it, there are many who will be impacted in way that they see as not good for them and there will be many who will be impacted in positive ways that they never expected.

As you check yourself, how do you feel about the oil spill? Do you have negative emotions or even anger? If so, what are you focusing on?

The key winning is to focus on the good, focus on what is possible, put your energy into what is right. Now, you still must acknowledge the problem. It isn't all just "polly-anna" thinking and ice-cream castles in the sky BUT! you still get to decide what you are going to put your energy into.

Learning and Growing

It is my pleasure to introduce to the world, Master Brayden George Raymond Litchfield. He was born on Thursday, May 27, 2010 at 5:48pm.

I have to admit, I am quite taken by the little fellow.

Brayden came into this world with his eyes wide open, taking in everything around him. Just imagine that... there was once a time when you to began to sense your world through seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and tasting and everything was new.

The funny thing about that is, at some level, all this 'new-ness' causes stress to the nervous system. So much information coming into your awareness, how will you ever be able to take it all in and understand it?!?! Oh my!!!

Now, bring your attention to today. Just how much have you learned? Think about those things that you learned so well, that you don't even remember how you came to know them. Some things you know so well that you don't remember yet just how important they are.

Learning is about growing. Everyday, you take in new information and choose to modify what you know or perhaps add to your vast knowledge. Even just the simple act of 'reconsidering' is an act of learning and growing. You are a learning machine. That is what you were born to do; little bits of learning at a time maybe, but they are always present.

Have you ever noticed that, as you learn things that are complex or important, there is usually stress or confusion present? Isn't that cool??? When you are experiencing stress or confusion, that means you have the opportunity learn something important!

What about tomorrow? What will you learn? More... what do you want to learn?

By S. Lane Pierce (the 'Grandaddy')

Language is the Key (part 2)

Last month, I wrote about how the language we use to describe an event sets, in our own mind, the emotional content of the event. This month, I want you to take that idea and now apply it outside of yourself.

On one level, the words we say will directly affect the thinking of the listener. If you want to take your skills to the next level, begin to observe the listener, and make some good guesses as to their state, then use the words you need to get the results you want.

Whatever you say to another person, they will make meaning of it for themselves. In doing so, they take your words along with any semantics they learned that are associated with them, and express those words in their own mind through a whole host of of filters.

As a simple example, if you used the word, "useless" in your speech, the listener who is interpreting "useless", while they are in an empowered stated, might immediately begin to think of opportunities or solutions to make "useless" into "productive". They could actually get energized through problem solving! The listener who is already in a state of apathy might just go deeper into apathy as they assign meaning to "useless".

George Bernard Shaw said, "The trouble with communication is the illusion that it occurred."

Remember, what you say is never what the listener hears. Well, it is what they hear... not what they understand. ;-)

Plan your words with the state and filters of your listener in mind.

Language is the Key

In everything we do, language is the key to understanding each other, our world, and ourselves. I make a point to listen to how people express problems in their life and it is interesting to be able to listen to their language and understand how they create the problem for themselves at the unconscious level.

Often, a person will think, see, feel or hear a problem as bigger than it really is while at the same time they consciously know the problem is different or at least not really as big as they believe. They might over emphasize the problem or otherwise not represent the problem as it actually is. What comes out in their speech is the unconscious belief of just big or small the problem is.

Try this little exercise... think of something that needs to be cleaned up right now. Ask yourself, how much effort will that take.

Now, think again about what needs to be cleaned up. Think of all the bits and pieces, see yourself with your shoulders slumped and frowning and picking up one thing at a time and say, "I have to clean up this HUGE mess!"

Now - doesn't it seem, at some level, more difficult?

Let's improve the situation now... I want you to bring up a new image of you listening to your favorite music, feeling great and easily cleaning up that mess and feeling SO GOOD about getting it done. Say, "I am getting this tiny mess cleaned up quickly!"

Whew! That's better. Let's just leave it that way.

Begin to pay attention how you describe problems you encounter. Don't deny the problem, just change your language to make it how you want it.